Pizza Evolution | Spitting Bullets

08 Jun 2008 @ 6:58 PM

Pizza Evolution from Pizza Hut - Get Stuffed!

UK Public told to ‘Unleash the Happiness’

I’m a little confused, because Pizza Hut are inviting people to ‘Unleash the Happiness’ by asking them to actually set foot inside one of their ‘restaurants’, which is unusual, because most people would be better of unleashing their happiness in bed with someone else or by going to the pub.

However, this is not really what concerns me. The fact is that Pizza Hut is turning its ‘pizzas’ into the kind of piping of which any competent chef / plumber husband and wife team would be proud – and, as an avid fan of traditional pizzas – this evolutionary step in the history of pizza making concerns me greatly.

Could Pizza Hut invent the Pizza again by mistake?

What I’m talking about of course, is the invention of the pepperoni ‘Stuffed Crust’ pizza. And what an invention it is. How mankind has coped for so long without this tubular delight is difficult to understand. The ‘Stuffed Crust’ pizza is an evolutionary miracle – to understand what the ‘Stuffed Crust’ pizza is to food is to understand what Darwin is to unlocking the secrets of Planet Earth. Not content with merely adding cheese to their crusts, Pizza Hut are now adding pepperoni - amazing!

But I wonder what will come next? Will Pizza Hut ‘pizzas’ of the future consist of nothing more than a crust, stuffed with an entire range of fillings that have been forced into the cavity by a specially converted inflation devise to create some sort of edible tyre?

And finally, will Pizza Hut realise that if they cut the ‘Stuffed Crust’ open and flatten it out, they’ll end up with what they started out with – a pizza?

The future of Pizza Hut

Whatever the future holds for Pizza Hut, I simply don’t care - but when the day comes that frozen hollow crusts are readily available from the local supermarket and the consumer is invited to ‘Unleash the Happiness’ by injecting their own fillings (I’m not sure I like the sound of that very much - Ed), I shall eat my pants and fuck off to the pub.

One thing’s for sure – in terms of pizza evolution, pizza doesn’t get much worse than this.

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